October 30th, 2013 By Zak AttackBOXERS THAT FART & POINT AT DOG!
Los Angeles, CA- At its best, a boxing match can be a thrilling event that at times is unparallelled in the world of sports. At its worst, a “fight” can make watching paint dry look like Marvin Hagler-Tommy Hearns. It takes true talent to be a spoiler, and I feel it is only right we recognize the men who manage to make this possible.
The Great Grandaddy (literally) of Goodnight. The Sultan of Slumber. The Executioner of Entertainment. ‘Nard (54-6-2, 32 KOs) is a defensive wunderkind who is a sure-fire first-ballot Hall of Famer. That being said, the man fights OLD. At 48, it is impressive to see B Hop easily outpoint men young enough to be his children. It is also incredibly yawn-inducing.
‘NARD LOOKED A LITTLE DIFFERENT SATURDAY
Though he looked to be truly going for the stoppage in his last fight against Karo Murat (25-2-1, 15 KO), he did not secure it and his KO% dropped to an even 50. Fun fact: a 1999 fight against Robert Allen (39-5, 27 KO) was declared a No Contest after a fed up referee Mills Lane aggressively broke up one of the many clinches and sent Hopkins flying out of the ring. Mills deserves credit for adding some excitement to an otherwise dull event and putting the audience out of its misery.
The German people have always admired efficiency. This is the only explanation for 60,000 of them packing stadiums every few months to see one of the most overly-cautious champions in history of the sport jab-n-grab his way to victory over flabby, over matched opponents. Wladimir Klitschko (61-3, 51 KO) has a high knockout percentage of just under 80%. Perhaps more impressively, Wladimir puts 100% of non-German audiences to sleep after about three rounds of “action”.
Unlike Klitschko, Carlos Molina (22-5-2, 6 KOs) does not have the power to finish his foes. As a result, he has been robbed in a few of his fights. Perhaps this is fitting, as those who attend his fights are robbed of their hard-earned money and an hour they could have spent doing something much more worthwhile. Any time a fighter manages to render a fight with the chinny but hard-hitting James Kirkland (30-1, 27 KOs) unwatchable, that is impressive. Molina clinched his way to a DQ loss against Kirkland when his corner entered the ring before round 10 ended.
INJUSTICE WAS A REPRIEVE OF SORTS
Normally, I would be shouting from the top of Mt. Baldy about an injustice like this, but in this case, I was just relieved that I would not have to endure two more rounds of the torture that is watching Molina fight. Molina’s last fight, a title-winning unanimous decision over Ishe Smith (25-6, 11 KO), nearly derailed the biggest fight card of the year. I was watching the card at a movie theater, and after a few rounds went by, my brother took the opportunity to wait in a long line to get popcorn rather than stay and watch. I rest my case.
IBF lightweight (135) champion Miguel Vazquez (33-3, 13 KO) is a talented fighter and one of the best at 135. He generally dominates his competition, having only lost to the best in Tim Bradley (31-0, 12 KO) and twice to Saul Alvarez (42-1-1, 30 KO). “Dominates” is used very liberally here, as Miguel is normally content to circle away from opponents and paw at them with his feather dusters. “Float like a butterfly…sting like a butterfly.“
KERMIT “THE TOAD” CINTRON
Some may be surprised to see Kermit Cintron’s (34-5-2, 28 KOs) name on this list, but just try and think about the last time this guy has had a good performance. Once considered a top talent, Cintron has looked awful since Antonio “Margacheato” (38-8, 27 KOs) took his soul back in 2005. Amazingly, the guy has racked up a number of questionable “wins” and “draws” since then, so he must have someone pulling the strings behind the curtain. Someone needs to pull Cintron’s string out from a certain area, as the once feared puncher has fought like a pussycat for the last few years.
SOMETIMES YOU WISH THE TOAD WOULD “CROAK”
Kermit was given an absolutely atrocious draw against Sergio Martinez (51-2-2, 28 KOs) back in 2009, a bout in which Cintron was actually knocked out and inexplicably allowed to continue. Even more inexplicable was the fact that two judges somehow scored the fight even when Martinez clearly outclassed Cintron. Flash forward to 2013 and Cintron is struggling mightily against prospects. He is just 3-3 in his last 6 fights, and to be honest with you, having seen them, I think he should be 0-6. The guy is just not any good, and watching him hold on for dear life against non-punchers like Jonathan Batista (14-2, 7 KOs) is sad at this point. When your most interesting moment in the ring in the last five years was leapfrogging OUT of it against Paul Willams (41-2, 27 KOs), its probably time to hang ‘em up.