THE FIVE MOST BORING BOXERS TODAY!

October 30th, 2013 By Zak "Attack" Young

Bernard "NyQuil" Hopkins

Bernard “NyQuil” Hopkins

BOXERS THAT FART & POINT AT DOG!

Los Angeles, CA- At its best, a boxing match can be a thrilling event that at times is unparallelled in the world of sports. At its worst, a “fight” can make watching paint dry look like Marvin Hagler-Tommy Hearns. It takes true talent to be a spoiler, and I feel it is only right we recognize the men who manage to make this possible.

BERNARD HOPKINS

The Great Grandaddy (literally) of Goodnight. The Sultan of Slumber. The Executioner of Entertainment. ‘Nard (54-6-2, 32 KOs) is a defensive wunderkind who is a sure-fire first-ballot Hall of Famer. That being said, the man fights OLD. At 48, it is impressive to see B Hop easily outpoint men young enough to be his children. It is also incredibly yawn-inducing.

‘NARD LOOKED A LITTLE DIFFERENT SATURDAY

Though he looked to be truly going for the stoppage in his last fight against Karo Murat (25-2-1, 15 KO), he did not secure it and his KO% dropped to an even 50. Fun fact: a 1999 fight against Robert Allen (39-5, 27 KO) was declared a No Contest after a fed up referee Mills Lane aggressively broke up one of the many clinches and sent Hopkins flying out of the ring. Mills deserves credit for adding some excitement to an otherwise dull event and putting the audience out of its misery.

WLADIMIR KLITSCHKO

The German people have always admired efficiency. This is the only explanation for 60,000 of them packing stadiums every few months to see one of the most overly-cautious champions in history of the sport jab-n-grab his way to victory over flabby, over matched opponents. Wladimir Klitschko (61-3, 51 KO) has a high knockout percentage of just under 80%. Perhaps more impressively, Wladimir puts 100% of non-German audiences to sleep after about three rounds of “action”.

CARLOS MOLINA


Unlike Klitschko, Carlos Molina (22-5-2, 6 KOs) does not have the power to finish his foes. As a result, he has been robbed in a few of his fights. Perhaps this is fitting, as those who attend his fights are robbed of their hard-earned money and an hour they could have spent doing something much more worthwhile. Any time a fighter manages to render a fight with the chinny but hard-hitting James Kirkland (30-1, 27 KOs) unwatchable, that is impressive. Molina clinched his way to a DQ loss against Kirkland when his corner entered the ring before round 10 ended.

INJUSTICE WAS A REPRIEVE OF SORTS

Normally, I would be shouting from the top of Mt. Baldy about an injustice like this, but in this case, I was just relieved that I would not have to endure two more rounds of the torture that is watching Molina fight. Molina’s last fight, a title-winning unanimous decision over Ishe Smith (25-6, 11 KO), nearly derailed the biggest fight card of the year. I was watching the card at a movie theater, and after a few rounds went by, my brother took the opportunity to wait in a long line to get popcorn rather than stay and watch. I rest my case.

MIGUEL VAZQUEZ

IBF lightweight (135) champion Miguel Vazquez (33-3, 13 KO) is a talented fighter and one of the best at 135. He generally dominates his competition, having only lost to the best in Tim Bradley (31-0, 12 KO) and twice to Saul Alvarez (42-1-1, 30 KO). “Dominates” is used very liberally here, as Miguel is normally content to circle away from opponents and paw at them with his feather dusters. “Float like a butterfly…sting like a butterfly.

KERMIT “THE TOAD” CINTRON

Some may be surprised to see Kermit Cintron’s (34-5-2, 28 KOs) name on this list, but just try and think about the last time this guy has had a good performance. Once considered a top talent, Cintron has looked awful since Antonio “Margacheato” (38-8, 27 KOs) took his soul back in 2005. Amazingly, the guy has racked up a number of questionable “wins” and “draws” since then, so he must have someone pulling the strings behind the curtain. Someone needs to pull Cintron’s string out from a certain area, as the once feared puncher has fought like a pussycat for the last few years.

SOMETIMES YOU WISH THE TOAD WOULD “CROAK”

Kermit was given an absolutely atrocious draw against Sergio Martinez (51-2-2, 28 KOs) back in 2009, a bout in which Cintron was actually knocked out and inexplicably allowed to continue. Even more inexplicable was the fact that two judges somehow scored the fight even when Martinez clearly outclassed Cintron. Flash forward to 2013 and Cintron is struggling mightily against prospects. He is just 3-3 in his last 6 fights, and to be honest with you, having seen them, I think he should be 0-6. The guy is just not any good, and watching him hold on for dear life against non-punchers like Jonathan Batista (14-2, 7 KOs) is sad at this point. When your most interesting moment in the ring in the last five years was leapfrogging OUT of it against Paul Willams (41-2, 27 KOs), its probably time to hang ‘em up.

Zak Young

COMMENTS

  1. You forgot Yuriorkis Gamboa.

    Haachitaba

    Haachitaba Mweene on October 31st, 2013 at 9:11 AM
  2. This Zack guy is more drab than Pedro!!!! Do u guys write anything positive about the athletes who put their lives on the line for ur entertainment!!!!!

    Da Biggest Dog on October 31st, 2013 at 11:02 AM
  3. how about guillermo ringondeaux.. he is boring as fuk..

    he made donaire look silly and usually donaire is a fun fighter to watch.

    macau on October 31st, 2013 at 12:28 PM
  4. Yeah, he made Donaire look silly, but Donaire has been in many lackluster fights. I truly enjoyed watching the masterboxer Rigo school Donaire, especially after all of his lame excuses on why he didn’t want to fight him.

    Kevin Perry on October 31st, 2013 at 4:43 PM
  5. Well not alot to argue with in this article. So might as well throw this out there for some conversation and debate.
    Wlads fights are boring as hell. However I find that while some people think manny could do no wrong he had to shoulder some of the responsibility for helping make wlad un-watchable.
    Early in his carea he was kinda fun to watch, he was naturaly timid but he was more of an offensive fighter. Same with Lennox, also a naturaly timid fighter that used to mix it up more in his early carear.
    Now having said that, fighting safer is great for the fighter and his health and Im all for it, but it makes for piss poor fights if you like action.
    Manny just took both fighters and put them both in full “safty mode”. Both fighters only come out of that shell when they have someone they can blow out. Its worst for Wlad cause he sticks to book too much. Sometimes it would even come back and bite manny abit too, when he saw a knockout to be had he had really go off on both men to actually go for the knockout.
    Just something to think about. What really turns off fans I think, is that all it would take is Wlad turning it up like 30% to at least make the fight watchable.

    Mac on November 1st, 2013 at 12:58 AM
  6. u had me rollin with the hopkin names!…im pretty impressed with hopkins though…the mans 48 and still trains like a freight! see what I did there? ……when history looks back on who was whoopin ass during his era, hopkins will be one of the few elite mentioned…side note…love mt. baldy…one of the best spots to board/ski….where else can u see an island off on a distance (catalina) while at the snow??

    1200 techs on November 1st, 2013 at 9:20 AM
  7. wow..crazy ish right now…as im typing hear waiting for my flight to new york…madness ensues at lax…wild stampede after gun shots ring out…hope everything is good

    1200 techs on November 1st, 2013 at 9:30 AM
  8. @1200 Hopkins is an all time great in my opinion. Probably one of the top 10 middleweights of all time. Very true! Got to go scuba diving at catalina once. Beautiful place. Heard about the LAX stuff. Crazy.

    Zak on November 1st, 2013 at 3:08 PM
  9. zak: Man it was nuts brada…I was in terminal 3 ….right when i hit send on my first comment…within 2 minutes, i hear yelling and see a stampede of people running and yelling towards us…i sensed something terrible was wrong so i instantly grabbed my two boys to shield them, 8 and 11…then I hear several gunshots, and knew there was a shootout going on…it was surreal..just like in movies…i cant even begin to tell you how scary it was…when I saw the TSA workers running for their lives, I knew it was time to bounce…we ended up leaving through an emergency exit to get to the tarmac, trying to get far from the shooting as possible…still here at LAX cause of this dumbf*ck that should have just shot himself…i met so many people, some going to weddings, one maid of honor, and myself…going to miss my grandmas 80th bday….im sure there are people who got it a lot worst but this type of bs pisses me off to no end!..so many peoples lives seriously affected cause of one idiot….sorry for the rant fellas

    1200 techs on November 1st, 2013 at 9:12 PM
  10. No way that Cintron is boring. His performaces have been inadequate in recent outings, but that’s another subject. Lindy Lindell

    Lindy Lindell on November 2nd, 2013 at 3:22 PM
  11. Amen to your choices of 5 most boring fighters. And Klitschko has morphed into a rerun of John Ruiz. Hug fests, one punch and hug. Why don’t more refs take points from the huggers?

    tpc on November 3rd, 2013 at 6:03 AM
  12. oh my god!! where is floyd??! this isnt fair!!.. haha you people are so dumb you paid him your hard earn money to watch his mouth swallow another c*m.. oh well.. goodluck!!hahaha what a waste

    mekz on November 3rd, 2013 at 6:34 AM

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